Every now and then, I get a call about a dog bite, and I usually just pass them along to a local Personal Injury attorney with relatively few questions asked.
Most of these people are obvious gold diggers i.e. they weren't actually hurt (nothing a bandaid couldn't fix) and didn't go to the hospital. Nonetheless, they still want to sue for a million dollars because their neighbor's Bischon got out and bit their kid's ankle. Sorry lady, your kid was probably annoying the crap out of the dog and it bit him so it could be left alone. If your neighbor's unfenced pitbull brutally ripped your child's face off, thats another story...
Anyways, I got a dog bite call a few weeks ago that was really special though. It went something like this:
Lady: "I got bit by a dog and I want to sue."
Me: "OK...can you describe the situation briefly?"
Lady: "I was at the Humane Society looking for a dog to adopt, and one of the ones I was looking at bit me on my lip. Can I sue them for that?"
Friday, October 17, 2008
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Buzz Words
As I have chronicled before, it will astonish you what things some people think our legal system can accomplish for them. Maybe these people have watched too much Judge Judy or something, but sometimes I seriously cannot believe what people want "the law" to do.
My favorite are the people who think that if they just say the right things, they can suddenly win gazillions of dollars in court. The best one of these is the idea of "pain and suffering." Now, I fully understand that in some serious cases (say, like when your OBGYN is lazy and refuses to c-section your child, allowing it to essentially rot in the womb and causing severe brain damage...true case) you should be compensated greatly for all the "pain and suffering" caused. You can not, however (to my knowledge), sue your landlord for "pain and suffering" because he is lazy about fixing a leaky faucet (I get this all the time). I'm also pretty sure you can't sue the 9 year-old bully in your 3rd grader's class for "pain and suffering" because he is mean to your kid. Take it up with your PTA, lady.
Really though, the best phrase that gets into people's heads (and is directly related to the notion of "pain and suffering") , is that of "panic attacks." Examples include:
"I ate a burger at Wendy's that had a bug in it. I now have panic attacks. I want to sue."
"I slipped and fell in a puddle at Walmart...no, I wasn't injured...well yes, it had been raining, but I now have PANIC ATTACKS because it happened in front of my friends and I was really embarassed, and I want to sue."
"I caint get my Homeowner's Association to let me put a shed up thar in my backyard, and it's been such a stressful experience I now have panic attacks when I see my neighbors, and I wanna sue 'em for pain and suffering."
In EVERY SINGLE instance I have EVER heard a caller mention "panic attacks", these "attacks" are not medically documented. Maybe these people need to watch more Law and Order instead of Judge Judy, but I'm pretty certain that Joe Schmoe cannot walk into a court room, say he has "panic attacks", and get compensated without some sort of...what do they call it...Proof? Evidence? I dunno...
My favorite are the people who think that if they just say the right things, they can suddenly win gazillions of dollars in court. The best one of these is the idea of "pain and suffering." Now, I fully understand that in some serious cases (say, like when your OBGYN is lazy and refuses to c-section your child, allowing it to essentially rot in the womb and causing severe brain damage...true case) you should be compensated greatly for all the "pain and suffering" caused. You can not, however (to my knowledge), sue your landlord for "pain and suffering" because he is lazy about fixing a leaky faucet (I get this all the time). I'm also pretty sure you can't sue the 9 year-old bully in your 3rd grader's class for "pain and suffering" because he is mean to your kid. Take it up with your PTA, lady.
Really though, the best phrase that gets into people's heads (and is directly related to the notion of "pain and suffering") , is that of "panic attacks." Examples include:
"I ate a burger at Wendy's that had a bug in it. I now have panic attacks. I want to sue."
"I slipped and fell in a puddle at Walmart...no, I wasn't injured...well yes, it had been raining, but I now have PANIC ATTACKS because it happened in front of my friends and I was really embarassed, and I want to sue."
"I caint get my Homeowner's Association to let me put a shed up thar in my backyard, and it's been such a stressful experience I now have panic attacks when I see my neighbors, and I wanna sue 'em for pain and suffering."
In EVERY SINGLE instance I have EVER heard a caller mention "panic attacks", these "attacks" are not medically documented. Maybe these people need to watch more Law and Order instead of Judge Judy, but I'm pretty certain that Joe Schmoe cannot walk into a court room, say he has "panic attacks", and get compensated without some sort of...what do they call it...Proof? Evidence? I dunno...
Monday, September 29, 2008
Just...Wow
Sometimes, when people call me, the connection is bad and I can barely hear them. In our age of cellphones, this is not new to anyone. One thing that always makes me laugh in these situations is when the caller says "your phone is bad", as if it is my land-line and not their cheap cell phone that is messing up the signal. Oh well.
Anyway, I just got a call from a woman, and I could BARELY hear her, and I mean barely. The line wasn't static-y, her voice was just very, very faint. I turned the volume on my receiver all the way up to 10 (and I usually keep it on 1), and could still hardly make out anything she was saying. I kept telling her to speak up, practically yelling myself. After about 30 seconds of this, and thinking I would have to hang up on her because the signal was so weak, her voice all of a sudden came through incredible loud, loud enough to startle the crap out of me and sort of hurt my ear.
Caller: "Aw shoot honey, I'm sorry, I had the phone on upside down."
Incredible.
Anyway, I just got a call from a woman, and I could BARELY hear her, and I mean barely. The line wasn't static-y, her voice was just very, very faint. I turned the volume on my receiver all the way up to 10 (and I usually keep it on 1), and could still hardly make out anything she was saying. I kept telling her to speak up, practically yelling myself. After about 30 seconds of this, and thinking I would have to hang up on her because the signal was so weak, her voice all of a sudden came through incredible loud, loud enough to startle the crap out of me and sort of hurt my ear.
Caller: "Aw shoot honey, I'm sorry, I had the phone on upside down."
Incredible.
Monday, March 31, 2008
A Truely Scary Moment
About a month ago, I got a call from a man who identified himself as "Mr. Davis." He told me he needed an insurance attorney to help him with some sort of fraud matter, and I began to take down his information. It started out just like any other call...then things got weird.
First off, he would not give me his first name or his address. He then told me that his phones were tapped, and that "agents" were currently listening in and watching his every move. He got even more paranoid, and started demanding that I give him "proof" that I was who I said I was (working for the Bar Association). Attempts to assure him I was an employee of the Bar were ignored. By this point, I knew he was crazy and I was calmly trying to figure out a way to get him off the phone. I told him several times that I could not be of any assistance to him and tried to get him off the phone but he just continued ranting, and I had to hang up on him.
Anyway, about an hour later, he showed up at our office, and started yelling at the receptionist and another coworker who was up front, demanding to see me and speak to me in person. Now, I never give out my last name for safety reasons, but he knew my first name and was ranting on and on about how he HAD to see me in person because he needed a GUARANTEE that I was who I claimed to be on the phone.
Luckily, our receptionist has a little buzzer under her desk for this very purpose, and the cops quickly came and escorted him out of the building. All in all though, a pretty scary moment.
First off, he would not give me his first name or his address. He then told me that his phones were tapped, and that "agents" were currently listening in and watching his every move. He got even more paranoid, and started demanding that I give him "proof" that I was who I said I was (working for the Bar Association). Attempts to assure him I was an employee of the Bar were ignored. By this point, I knew he was crazy and I was calmly trying to figure out a way to get him off the phone. I told him several times that I could not be of any assistance to him and tried to get him off the phone but he just continued ranting, and I had to hang up on him.
Anyway, about an hour later, he showed up at our office, and started yelling at the receptionist and another coworker who was up front, demanding to see me and speak to me in person. Now, I never give out my last name for safety reasons, but he knew my first name and was ranting on and on about how he HAD to see me in person because he needed a GUARANTEE that I was who I claimed to be on the phone.
Luckily, our receptionist has a little buzzer under her desk for this very purpose, and the cops quickly came and escorted him out of the building. All in all though, a pretty scary moment.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Its all just a big cover-up
One thing I have discovered about crazy people is that they LOVE conspiracy theories and cover-ups. While I am no psychologist, I'm sure that most would tell you that this is some sort of classic symptom of mental illness or schizophrenia or whatever. I've had callers say that the FBI was following them, the government implanted listening devices in their heads, etc.
This guy called me today, and after mis-spelling his first name (seriously, I had to correct him...on his own name...which was Charles), proceeded to tell me how the hospital had given him some sort of medication which caused a seizure when he got home. He had to call the ambulance, and according to him, the EMTs "Covered up the hospital's mistake by washing out my blood with saline."
Me: "Um, you mean they gave you an IV in the ambulance? Isn't that pretty standard?"
Guy: "No no no, your not getting what I'm saying. It was a COVER UP? GET IT? A COVER UP! The ambulance-peeople was in cahoots with the hospital, covering up for their bad medicine. Get it? They washed out my system with saline to get rid of the evidence!!"
He nearly had me convinced...
This guy called me today, and after mis-spelling his first name (seriously, I had to correct him...on his own name...which was Charles), proceeded to tell me how the hospital had given him some sort of medication which caused a seizure when he got home. He had to call the ambulance, and according to him, the EMTs "Covered up the hospital's mistake by washing out my blood with saline."
Me: "Um, you mean they gave you an IV in the ambulance? Isn't that pretty standard?"
Guy: "No no no, your not getting what I'm saying. It was a COVER UP? GET IT? A COVER UP! The ambulance-peeople was in cahoots with the hospital, covering up for their bad medicine. Get it? They washed out my system with saline to get rid of the evidence!!"
He nearly had me convinced...
Friday, January 25, 2008
How am I supposed to take you seriously?
In addition to all the calls, I get a lot of email requests for referrals. Usually, they are a little less crazy than the calls (I mean, they have to have a computer and computer skills to email me...right?), but occasionally they are pretty bizarre. Every day, I get at least one email that is IN ALL CAPS AS IF I AM GOING TO PAY MORE ATTENTION BECAUSE THIS ASSHAT HAS DECIDED TO TYPE WITH THE CAPS LOCK ON.
I also sometimes have to wonder how people think I (or an attorney) am going to take them seriously when their return email is something like BigBootayMamma6969@yahoo.com.
I once got an email from a guy busted for marijuana posession, and his email was something like StonerGuy420@gmail or something retarded like that. C'mon people.
I also sometimes have to wonder how people think I (or an attorney) am going to take them seriously when their return email is something like BigBootayMamma6969@yahoo.com.
I once got an email from a guy busted for marijuana posession, and his email was something like StonerGuy420@gmail or something retarded like that. C'mon people.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Maybe I'm Just an Asshole
I remember the first day I ever worked here, over a year ago, I cried.
Well, I didn't exactly break down and start sobbing, but I did get a little teary-eyed. I remember it came from reading a letter from a guy wanting a lawyer (it actually might have been the scroll guy from a previous post), and in the letter he detailed all the heartbreak and sorrow experienced from trying to get custody of his children. He was broke, nearly homeless, and all he wanted was to get his kids back. On my first day, I found this incredibly moving and sad, and I really wanted to help this man.
Now, things have changed. I have become hardened. I don't really care about people's problems anymore. Basically, I have become an asshole.
I remember back when I was training for this job, and I was struck by how curt my predecessor was on the phone. In person she was quite sweet, but on the referral phones she was bitchy and sometimes even mean. While I try my best to be kind to the people who call in, I have realized recently that I have become that way as well.
At this point, I more or less do not care about the callers' problems. I have heard it all before, and when people plead with me, saying no one will help them and why can't I, I simply tell them that there is nothing I can do, and then I hang up on them.
Well, I didn't exactly break down and start sobbing, but I did get a little teary-eyed. I remember it came from reading a letter from a guy wanting a lawyer (it actually might have been the scroll guy from a previous post), and in the letter he detailed all the heartbreak and sorrow experienced from trying to get custody of his children. He was broke, nearly homeless, and all he wanted was to get his kids back. On my first day, I found this incredibly moving and sad, and I really wanted to help this man.
Now, things have changed. I have become hardened. I don't really care about people's problems anymore. Basically, I have become an asshole.
I remember back when I was training for this job, and I was struck by how curt my predecessor was on the phone. In person she was quite sweet, but on the referral phones she was bitchy and sometimes even mean. While I try my best to be kind to the people who call in, I have realized recently that I have become that way as well.
At this point, I more or less do not care about the callers' problems. I have heard it all before, and when people plead with me, saying no one will help them and why can't I, I simply tell them that there is nothing I can do, and then I hang up on them.
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